the weight of witness
I've just gotten through Kate's most recent post in which she talks about being a witness to our children's lives, in any kind of weather, no matter what, because that's just what we do as parents:
Our purpose is to bear witness for our children. Graceful or clumsy we walk beside them, hold their hands as far as we’re able. Even when we despair in futility at their path, it is our soul’s contract to accompany them.
Liam died last week, after a laborious month of tubes and tests and hoping and doubting and believing and hoping and finally surrendering.
I cannot imagine losing my child and yet I think about the possibility almost daily. What if? What if? What if? I suppose there should be some solace in the fact that so much is, in truth, out of our control, no matter how much we want and yearn and strive to control. This is the weight of witnessing -- joy, for however long we have it in our grasp, and for seeing pain for what it is and has to be.
It's the scales of justice, always lousily lopsided.
:::
The status quo seems to suit us well these days, and we are spending lots of times indoors to avoid the B.L.A.Z.I.N.G sun, which makes for *interesting* times with a toddler. More of that coming soon, as well as tales from my body pump class. O cruelty, thy name is squat.
21 June 2007
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5 comments:
Great post! So true! I worry about Courtlyn all the time!-- I'm still very sad about little Liam. I wanted so bad for him to prove those doctors wrong, but someone has a better plan for him now.
Chentelle
Thanks for keeping up with my blog, Chentelle! ;-) You always post such nice comments. Sorry I don't post to your MySpace. I don't have an account, and sometimes I go there via Shaun's but I forget because I'm not updating my own. I will try to visit more often ;-) Hope you guys are well!
Wow. There's always something out there to put life in perspective for us. I don't know this family's story, but the thought of losing one of my girls is the only thing on the planet that truly scares me. My heart goes out to his mommy and daddy.
So heartbroken to hear the news of Liam---my thoughts are with his mother and father. On a lighter note....DO YOU FEEL THE BURN BABY!!!! Body Pump squat track is a killer....and I hear the newest launch coming is the longest track of any Body Pump on the squat track-----UUHHHGGGGGGG! It's bad when you can't get off the toilet--HAHAHA!!!!
Her story is so heart-wrenching that I actually avoid it. Is that horrible? I just cannot let myself go there mentally; I feel like the fear would drag me down. My sympathy for anyone in a similar situation is so sincere and deep and all consuming.
And I hate to follow that up with squat empathy, but I literally feel your pain from my Tuesday class. Recently, one 45 minute class crippled me for FOUR DAYS.
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