the friday funnies: the CVL edition

1. All right. You've waited, you've wondered. Here is how my first encounter with the CVL went (about 4 months ago):

CVL (approaches, location: home furnishings department, Marshall's): Well, hello there, cutie pie (to the toddler, of course)

Me: (Nervous stranger giggle/smile/eh-heh)

CVL (getting down to toddler level,at close range, looking my way with a glazed twinkle in her eyes and an oblivious smile plastered on her face): Are you nursing him?

Me (nervously, weirdly): Yes. (Why did I even answer this?)

CVL: I could tell. Yeah, uh hum.

Me: (Nervous stranger giggle/smile/eh-heh)

CVL: I nursed mine for a combination of 8 years...that's why I'm skin and bones, you know. We were on the road a lot, and it was just easy, we would feed them avocados, and I would nurse them.

Me: (Nervous stranger giggle/smile/nod/nervous stranger giggle/nod/eh-heh/avocados, huh?)

CVL: It's so good for them, you know. And, you know, we didn't vaccinate either. You know, it's when the soldiers came back from the war that they started to vaccinate (blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, going on to talk about some doctor in the area, blah, blah, blah).

Me: (Nervous stranger giggle/smile/nod/which war?)

CVL: But you know it's really the sugar.

Me: (puzzled and out of polite utterances)

CVL: It's the sugar that introduced all these diseases and created the need for vaccines.

Me: (Nervous stranger giggle/smile/nod/god, I could use a Snicker's)

CVL: Well, let me let you get back to your shopping. What a beautiful boy. Bye. By-eee (high-pitched cooing ensued as she descended to toddler level again).

Me (putting the picture frame down and scanning for the closest, quickest exit): Oh, yes. Thank you. Take care.

Second encounter (last week):

Me (seeing CVL approaching, OMG, is it really her AGAIN?)

CVL (again, in the home furnishings department, Marshalls): Well, what a cute little thing you are (again, to Eli, of course).

Me: (oh no, here she is again, quick, Eli, cry, do SOMETHING)

CVL: Oh, look at his little shoes.

Me: Nervous stranger giggle/smile/nod/she doesn't remember who we are)

CVL: My kids didn't wear shoes...I breastfed them.

Me: Nervous stranger giggle/smile/nod/wow, didn't know breastfeeding eliminated the need for shoes)

CVL: We're vegans. And I used to say to them (reaching down to Eli's feet), are those to-fu's or little fu-ey toes?

Me: Eh-heh (okay, hello...weird, come on, Eli, cry, for the love of God, do SOMETHING)

CVL (looking towards a painted canvas I was backed up against): Oh, that's really nice.

Me. Yes, it is.

CVL: Oh, well, let me let you get back to your shopping. Bye-eee.

Me: Oh, okay. Bye. (okay, hello...weird).

**I feel I should add that I have nothing against the vegan philosophy. Really, I don't. I wish sometimes I could do it. And I've even tried. And, I also should add that I almost NEVER go to Marshalls, so what are the odds that within the span of 5 months, I would see the CVL twice. Weird. The universe is conspiring against me. I'm sure of it. And, yes, I realize, this wasn't as good as I built it up to be. Oh, well. Life is full of disappointments. You'll get over it.

2. This week SD and I have taken to the slightly manic habit of inserting the phrase "do-dah" after many things that we say. For instance,

It's really hot outside. Do-dah.

or

Are you going to take the trash out? Do-dah.

or

Wanna order Chinese? Do-dah.

or

That diaper was a real stinker. Do-dah.

And it's not just any ol' do-dah. It has to be said with conviction -- as in DO-DAH (emphasis on DO). Try it. It definitely makes daily conversation much more exciting, even though you start to question your soundness of mind.

3. Finally, here's our tiny dancer, rockin it' at the pool on Wednesday. Didn't want to swim. Just wanted to dance. Rock on...